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I try to be organised, really I do. I work from a list. Occasionally, I rewrite my to-do list because many of the items can be scrubbed. I’m sure I’m not alone with some stubborn items that sit at the bottom of my to do list which get transcribed again and again. Well, enough’s enough. I can’t procrastinate forever. Each week, one of these items will get crossed off.

1. Make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs
2. Buy a clapped out DeLorean, restore it, get it up to 88 miles per hour on a dark and stormy night and go back in time to tell my first girlfriend to get over herself
3. Run into a petrol station wearing a crazed expression and sporting a Zippo lighter. Flick on the lighter and shout “Yippee Kayey m***** f*****”
4. Successfully face the Kobayashi Maru
5. Cross the beams for a laugh
6. Make my boss an offer he can’t refuse
7. Buy a bigger boat
8. Try defying gravity
9. Say “I’ll be back” in a menacing voice and be taken seriously
10. Shout “Get away from her you bitch” whilst toting a pulse rifle inside a power lifter
11. Take some gremlins to the drive through and then throw them into the sea after midnight
12. Put everything I own on 17 black and order a Martini, shaken, not stirred
13. The next time I’m in a meeting where we dissect something that’s gone wrong – shout “Inconceivable!”
14. Tell everyone I know about the fight club
15. Poke Sauron in the eye
16. Eat three shredded wheat and observe the consequences
17. Cut the blue wire even though everyone is screaming at me to cut the red one
18. Check out of, and leave the Hotel California
19. Push an Oompa-Loompa into the chocolate river
20. Turn my stereo up to 11

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